Lonliness

Saturday night at home drinking and crying to myself as I feel more a lone than ever.

I was hoping that I could go out with a friend but as usual she came up with her lousy excuses that I get every so often when I want to go out and have a bit of fun.

I haven't seen her since just before Christmas and were always working and don't get the chance to see each other and I though Saturday nights are usually the good nights which I heard a mates band were on should be a good evening to go out.

I mentioned this night the other day and mentioned it again this afternoon. She was texting me back but kind of ignoring it and changing the subject of tonight. I asked her about it as someone else had asked me if i were out and thought it be good for us to go out and didn't hear anything for ages till she replied that family friends of there's had been round and it was too late this was at 9.3o and I replied I didn't mind it take me some time to get ready but still no 'she wasn't feeling it and 'we can't talk with bands on' always have to be about her.

She can go out other evenings with her mates and have a good night and tell me about it later in the week like as if she were rubbing it in but when ever I want to do something the lousy excuses prop up. The best one is 'period pain' how silly. Like she avoids to go out with me after all the things I do for her as well.

There isn't many people round here I have a friends most have moved away and doing there own thing. I feel like I'm 12 again the miserable years of spending weekends off school on my own and not doing anything else and trying to hang out with school friends always found they were doing something better than to hang out with me.

She says we'll do something next week I just said don't believe it you'll probs use the same excuse or something which she probs will.

After all the horrible things she said about me a few months back how she no longer wanted to be my friend and how horrible person I am I tried to make it up with her but now I'm thinking hold on its not me thats the prob its you. Especially if you make someone feel lousy about themselves and always letting them down what kind of a friend is that?!

So tonight instead of going out seeing some bands, chilling with good company and chatting to those I haven't seen in a while I'm getting drunk home alone. The life of a 25 year old :D

Update

So last week I went to my GP again after I'm still having problems with my ankle after the last Doctor I saw replied 'I don't know' when I explained about my bad ankle which I'm having to click every so often every day.

That morning when I rang for the early appointment I was feeling anxious and just hopeful something could be done as I've had this problem a while now and isn't getting any better so I though the Doctor would help and put my mind at ease but made it even worse by that poor reply and shooing my out her office when she said 'I have other patients to see' even though the waiting room was pretty empty and there was me thinking Doctors took the time to listen and examine patients that proved me wrong.

The most recent Doctor I saw was more kind. I have seen her once before and made me happy to see her again. I should have gone to her in the 1st place about my ankle but that morning I was desperate so early birds appointment you don't get the chance to choose who you see where as the kind Doctor only has pre booked appointments which I'm not surprised as she is the nicest one at the practice.

Next stop is a referral to my local hospital to a foot specialist as I have already tried Pysio and at £30 is expensive to go every so often I was on the list for NHS for don't know how long will take. It didn't really do anything for me.

I don't really see any other solution part from surgical. I hope my appointment comes soon and get to the bottom of this problem as its even affecting my walking and things in general. There is a treatment that could be done that has been proved quite well but with 3-6 months recovery, wonder how work will take it ?