Remember, Remember

So tonight is Bonfire Night a British tradition of Bonfires and fireworks.

It all began with a man called Guy Fawkes and plotting to blow up houses of Parliament in the 1600s. He was found and sent to death and since then November the 5th has been known as Guy Fawkes day as his attempt to blow up Parliament with gunpowder.

Just a few nights before was Haloween I just don't see the point of it. Maybe it is fun for kids who dress up knock on strangers doors and ask for candy I never really liked it myself as a kid. When they knock on my door asking for candy I expect something in return like them to mow my lawn or do my grocery shopping but for asking for Candy I found kind of cheeky.
Working in the shop all week people buying sweets and things for 'Trick or Treaters' and I think they shouldn't be really, pensioners buying them with there savings and pension for kids that in this stone age are a nuiscance I think I'm sound like an old person already. It is more of a American tradition they take it more seriously than us. I think I'm just getting to be more miserable every year.
Christmas is the one holiday I like and it is for kids yet I'm still one at heart ;) I used to love it when little. Quite exciting and its gone so quick. One minute your 5 and waking up at 6am and trying to wake the parents up so you can open your presents, next your in your 20s hating Haloween and know there's no Santa and no Tooth Fairy. You do enjoy things more when your a child, you have a big open mind and nobody says otherwise. If you still believe in those at his age people would think you've lost the plot. Its accpetable at that age. Little delicate minds. I have still have a childish mind still I still enjoy watching Peter Pan and love Tinkerbell. I never really knew of these things when younger and found about them at this age and its me. When people ask my age and I tell them they don't quite believe me. I don't believe it. Maybe the wrinkle cream is keeping of my wrinkles or maybe I haven't fully grown and have kept the same life year and year out.

Like most people I went to school with have already moved on more than myself. I kind of knew I wouldn't get very far being me. I never kind of had faith in myself. I wasn't bright I wasn't pretty I had my ups and downs. I'm still at home with my brother and parents and maybe I should be married and have 8 kids a house and a carrer. Kids are not for me, people always say 'you'll change your mind and have them' but I know I won't. If I was told I could have them I wouldn't be upset. There are kind of people who have kids and I'm the opposite. I can see my brother with them but not me and the giving birth part does put me off.

It gets tiring when my sister tells me 'I need a guy' why do I? This was after I was mentioning my Ghibli stuff and my Bonsais. There things I like, everybody has a hobby and I wonder if there siblings tell them they need a guy. I not fussed to be honest. Maybe if the opportunity comes a long but at the mo I'm content and I do have the nack of making a fool of myself and they run a mile :( I'm a guy deterrent I guess.

There was someone at work who asked me out. I accpeted him on facebook, I posted a link to a Ghibli cel that I liked so he replied to it and sent a seperate message on my wall and inboxed me the same thing translating it. God knows why he translated it. I knew what it was hence the note 'Fab!' and been studying them since Spirited Away came out.
There was two reasons why I didn't want to. 1. He was too old (nearly 40) I like them around my age. 2. Annoyed me that the only guy I could attract was someone like him. At the time there was peer pressure. I couldn't really say no with the work colleagues around it would have been un-fair and humiliating. So I just replied with maybe. Then sent him a message saying thanks for the offer but I'll leave it for now as there maybe someone else I like. Been a bit akward at work with avoiding him. He's been talking to another guy I blew off as I'm not that interested telling him that he shown my pics to his mum and dad (I mean really a 40 year old showing pics of me to his parents whom we've only spoken to what once or twice) seems creepy to me and told him of the message I sent him, is there anything he doesn't tell him? This other guy trying to set me up with someone else, can this other guy not ask me? instead of him acting like cupid?

I have been talking to other guys outside work. There nice one I've known for a while and the other I met a few weeks ago when I was out with my friend Laura.

I asked one of them if you finish work to come join us as were in Bluey watching my Brother in Laws band which he did. When people asked who was with me which my sister replied 'Lozzas boyfriend' whats wrong with just having a guy as a friend? This bugged me again of one of her remarks. Its like no one could ever be good enough for me. It gets tiring hearing the same thing.

Why can't people see I'm okay as I am. Not up to them. Yes I would love my own place and there still so much I'd like to do like travel. In high school they would ask us what we would like to do when we left school, I still don't know. As I was out of work for a while I'm a bit behind. Maybe it'll come to me and slow work myself up. I still feel I should be like my high school mates cause thats what is expected of me. They probs look at me see I'm still at home and working in a shop like a teenager and say 'I might have known' If I could go back and do it all again different I would. There are parts I would change. I only I was like this now when I was when I was in High School me being like this now would be completely different. I should have known at the time. I was kind of lame and I guess I kind of still am. Thats how I see myself. Who will knows what will be of me in the next 10 years...