Cruelty

So when we went to Florida last year and of course visited Sea World and walked around saw a few things and fed dolphins which was so much fun. I think were planning to go to Florida again next year and will have baby caleb with us well when he's walking be much easier but no doubt we'll be chasing after him and no doubt he'll be spoiled rotten! I better start saving now. Plus I've seen a 'Beluga Interaction program' at SeaWorld which I'd love to do. Belugas are lovely animals I remember seeing them and how lovely they are. Behind glass isn't the same I want to see them close up and touch them now that will be memorable.

Same with the Orcas. Only got to see one behind glass and his bent fin (so sad) and caught a few seconds of the show which goes against everything I stand for and have been campaigning against for years. It just isn't right making these wonderful mammals jump through hoops and other such tricks they were meant to be left in peace in the ocean not caught and put in tiny tanks for our entertainment, Lolita for instant is in the smallest tank I've ever seen. Aparently it goes against all rules and regulations yet why hasn't anybody done anything or helped save her?!

Now there is a film coming out about Keiko who was the Free Willy star. Who was bought and sold. What right do these people have to capture and sell these whales? They should be protected by law. Government officials and what not should get involved. The whole industry is getting out of hand. Occasionally hear dolphins/whales being sold to some park, some park which isn't accomodating enough. As the one where Lolita is held is like a fish bowl.

Its much happier seeing them in there natural environment I'd love to go to Vancouver one time and whale watch. They should be procted by the state where ever there from.

I don't think trainers at these parks do love them as much they say they do. Taking them from there home and family to train strangers? and a few times trainers lives have been at risk. One died not so long ago. They'll never learn stop these parks and stop these animals doing tricks.

Goodbye Charlie

So my brothers snake Charlie whom we had for a while now passed away this morning.

Just before he left for his holiday he asked us to feed him 2 mice as he was due for feeding as he only eats every couple of months or so.

He got the mice out for defrosting and was going to feed him once they thawed. I forgot that day so did it the next day just placed 2 of them near him and let him alone to eat. I checked on him later but they were still there but he had moved so I googled it and said that if they weren't hungry they much be due for shredding of their skin. So I took them out and disposed of them and left him alone till I went and got his new red bulb and put it in but wasn't working so I re screwed it in and still nothing so I shook it and it was broken so I just left him alone.

My mum checked up on him this morning and said 'I think he's dead' which I said he's moved and I'm sure he's okay. I got up and re checked and prodded him with his feeding tweezers and nothing he was still and his tank was smelly. I couldn't believe it I just started crying and shouting my mum to come up and have a look and it was true. I was so hoping he wasn't and would move but nothing. My Aunt Paula was here and she picked him up and moved him into a bag and he was still as anything and all this just before I was due at work and couldn't face it but had to.

I wanted to leave him there till Christian came home but it was smelly and my mum didn't want him staying there but said we could freeze him and wait till he got home to see him before we buried him but they didn't want to do that so it was a burial.

I would have liked him to have known but he is on holiday and mum didn't want his holiday spoiling so going to wait till Friday for us to tell him. I think he'll be heart broken like I am anything I think of him I just start crying again.

He was a special pet it kind of brought me and my brother together we clean out his tank together and bath him and what not.

I hope he wasn't neglected maybe if I tried to feed him more or did something so many ifs. I would check up on him and talk to him and he'd dance about I'm going to miss him a lot.

The best thing was finding him alive when he went missing on Christmas Day my dad moved the bed in the spare room to find he was near the radioater to keep warm and I was happy I rung Christian up straight away and he was happy too and he came home as quick as he could as I said I didn't want to pick him up I'd rather him do it so he came home picked him up straight away and put him pack in his tank with warmth and water and he was fine.

The last time I got him out was on Calebs birthday as we had friends over and wanted to see him he was wiggling about and was okay.

Come Friday will be hard when Christian comes home and he's dead and buried in the front garden. I don't know what he would want to do get another snake he won't be the same of course or just get rid of the tank but I liked popping in him room to say hello to Charlie and have a chat it won't be the same anymore. He was the most harmless snake I'd ever known he was gentle and I wish he hadn't gone so soon after only having him for a couple of years or so.

I kinda wish one of the cats went than him one of the cats we don't like as he was most loved.

It'll take some time to get over it only time will tell.

Get Well Soon

Well my nan has been out of hospital for nearly 3 weeks now and is still the same.

Still yellow from the jaundice and not eating properly as she feels sick and being in hospital for 30 days or so her muscles have seized up so can't walk very well.

For any patient they should get them out of bed more as being in bed in the same position for some time is going to stiffen up your joints they should get them moving more or offer some physio.

With all this she is very frail and a different person not the nan i remember from before. Its like she's given up and yesterday she wasn't too good and said to my mum 'I'd rather be dead' I really dislike people who say that. I don't like anything related to death. Its understandable as she has been feeling rotten for some time and getting better will take months it would make any fed up.

Yesterday my parents took her back to A&E as she hadn't eaten properly for 4 days and didn't know what else to do she was still being sick. About 8 hours later she came home.

I was happy to see her kind of relieved she didn't say much and went straight upstairs and was being sick in the bathroom and told me not to tell mum and went for a lie down.

I want her to get well but isn't fair on me to keep secrets from mum and when she gives her food that she tries and passes some of it onto me maybe to make it look like she's actually eaten some when really she hasn't. She has to for her own good.

Years ago in College I went through a stage where I just didn't want to eat I know this is completely different. The smell and sight of food make me feel sick and with that lost the weight in just a short time if only I could of kept it off and not put another couple of stone on like now. That was a good weight I was. Slowly began to eat food again mum even had to sit with me to make sure I ate. I ate food a bit too much the weight just shot up now its going slowly.

Now I feel like a carer. I'm mostly left home alone with her as everybody else has more of a social life and checking up on her, I know she's my nan but it isn't a nice role.

She is no where near going home. Only time will tell.

Hyde Park

Its all booked. Kings Of Leon Hyde Park London 30th June whom are going to preform a few songs of their new album :) and going to turn it into a mini short break too.

Its been some time since I been down to London and stopped over so should be good, good if its nice and sunny be able to enjoy it more. I don't know what we will go and do but in London there's plenty.

Were setting off from Poulton on the 29th a day early and staying at the Park Grand London Paddington hotel 4*. Why not do a short break in comfort? The coming home 1st July. Not long now. Be a first for my mum to see them and 2nd for my dad and mine well a few already ;-)

Spot me if you can

If our New York trip happens for my mums 50th I'd love to spot the Antony Gormley statues that has appeared around New York. Although people has mistook them for people wanting to jump.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2010/mar/10/antony-gormley-new-york-sculptures?picture=360253214

Lonliness

Saturday night at home drinking and crying to myself as I feel more a lone than ever.

I was hoping that I could go out with a friend but as usual she came up with her lousy excuses that I get every so often when I want to go out and have a bit of fun.

I haven't seen her since just before Christmas and were always working and don't get the chance to see each other and I though Saturday nights are usually the good nights which I heard a mates band were on should be a good evening to go out.

I mentioned this night the other day and mentioned it again this afternoon. She was texting me back but kind of ignoring it and changing the subject of tonight. I asked her about it as someone else had asked me if i were out and thought it be good for us to go out and didn't hear anything for ages till she replied that family friends of there's had been round and it was too late this was at 9.3o and I replied I didn't mind it take me some time to get ready but still no 'she wasn't feeling it and 'we can't talk with bands on' always have to be about her.

She can go out other evenings with her mates and have a good night and tell me about it later in the week like as if she were rubbing it in but when ever I want to do something the lousy excuses prop up. The best one is 'period pain' how silly. Like she avoids to go out with me after all the things I do for her as well.

There isn't many people round here I have a friends most have moved away and doing there own thing. I feel like I'm 12 again the miserable years of spending weekends off school on my own and not doing anything else and trying to hang out with school friends always found they were doing something better than to hang out with me.

She says we'll do something next week I just said don't believe it you'll probs use the same excuse or something which she probs will.

After all the horrible things she said about me a few months back how she no longer wanted to be my friend and how horrible person I am I tried to make it up with her but now I'm thinking hold on its not me thats the prob its you. Especially if you make someone feel lousy about themselves and always letting them down what kind of a friend is that?!

So tonight instead of going out seeing some bands, chilling with good company and chatting to those I haven't seen in a while I'm getting drunk home alone. The life of a 25 year old :D

Update

So last week I went to my GP again after I'm still having problems with my ankle after the last Doctor I saw replied 'I don't know' when I explained about my bad ankle which I'm having to click every so often every day.

That morning when I rang for the early appointment I was feeling anxious and just hopeful something could be done as I've had this problem a while now and isn't getting any better so I though the Doctor would help and put my mind at ease but made it even worse by that poor reply and shooing my out her office when she said 'I have other patients to see' even though the waiting room was pretty empty and there was me thinking Doctors took the time to listen and examine patients that proved me wrong.

The most recent Doctor I saw was more kind. I have seen her once before and made me happy to see her again. I should have gone to her in the 1st place about my ankle but that morning I was desperate so early birds appointment you don't get the chance to choose who you see where as the kind Doctor only has pre booked appointments which I'm not surprised as she is the nicest one at the practice.

Next stop is a referral to my local hospital to a foot specialist as I have already tried Pysio and at £30 is expensive to go every so often I was on the list for NHS for don't know how long will take. It didn't really do anything for me.

I don't really see any other solution part from surgical. I hope my appointment comes soon and get to the bottom of this problem as its even affecting my walking and things in general. There is a treatment that could be done that has been proved quite well but with 3-6 months recovery, wonder how work will take it ?

Cupcakes

I think the 1 thing I'd like to have is my very own cupcake shop. I have thought about a clothes shop but not much fun in that. Where a cupcake one make and create your own cakes and sell them. The perfect shop would be a little Victorian place. In Run, Fat boy run is ex works in a old Victorian shop selling cakes a lovely little shop and thats the kinda place I'd have. Very old and traditional with displays in the window very sweet. Cake stands and paper doylies. Not just cupcakes but all kinds of cake. Business logo boxes, business cards.

There's a empty shop in Cleveleys which would be nice a good size and near the main town bit. Have friends to come and help in the shop and pay in cakes. A cool name is a must like the Magnolia one in New York that is very popular. Even brought out there own book have yet to try the recipes and there own merchandise. Have yet to visit that place it'll be the 1st place to visit when we go back.

I bet all the good cupcake/cake shop names are all taken.

I'll have to conjour up a business plan and hand it to my mum (bank) for a loan. ;-) Lauren Cupakes could be famous!

Sudden Realisation

So my parents have been away since last Tuesday away to LA with some friends of theirs whom owns a guitar shop and usually goes to buy guitars and brings them home and sells them on.

It seems to have gone slow. Its like the 3rd time they have gone and seems different this time some how even though my nan is round every day and my brother has his friends around just seems different think it maybe cause without my mum and dad here I am on my own. I've never known the house to be so quiet. The house definitely seems empty without the 2 of them. Even though I spend most of my time upstairs its knowing their in the office and front room and their presence is here.

I think cause most of my friends have all moved on now. Moved elsewhere, had/having babies and moving forward. I just seem to stand still where everyone elses future is changing. I know its my decision that I don't want kids but in some way feel like its excepted of me. Meet a guy and have kids. Happening quite often with friends of mine even ones younger than me and I feel quite far behind. At least I have one friend who is in my shoes also. All we seem to do is work and not spend much time doing anything else. Its quite shocking how things change. One minute going out on a Friday night and going usual spots to them getting engaged and having kids. Things certainly happen fast. Made me think that things happen to people who don't give much and those who does lives seem bleak like mine.

I kind of knew my life would turn out like this from a young age things weren't great with school and friends. A part of me thinks if I was a bit brighter and have done better with school my life now may be completely different. Most people I know who did well in school/college and uni are off and doing what I want to be doing. Like living in a different part of the world and married and settled down and going places and I have only just got my 1st settled job in like 15 years. Its definitely too little too late.

Of course there are dreams and what not maybe most of them is just all talk. Go to New York live in a nice place and have a great job, thats watching Sex and The City too many times times gives ones ideas. Getting to make them realistic one doesn't know where to begin. Wishing that it would happen when it won't you have to make it happen. Your responsible for your own destiny.

There's my parents who do anything for you and want to keep you safe and bail you out. 25 and thats still happening. I have only ever made 1 train journey on my own and even then did I not trust myself but even nervous of doing it again. Been given the chance to drive but even myself ignore it. I started before people I knew and they passed way ahead of me. I am using the excuse of my instructor that I don't like him all too well but its hard to comes to terms with me driving who knew?! Think thats what is putting me off completing my lessons and passing even though they are paid for and have plenty left and needs finishing. I could go out and about visit friends who have moved away and maybe get a better job and a career. Think its time to get back on track I think all my excuses have been used up.

Maybe once thats done things might start falling into place not like having kids I have already my mind up about that. There are certain people who have kids and make a great mum I just don't think Im one of them.

At least mum and dad have managed to have 1 grandchild and a lovely one at that.

One will have to see what 2010 will bring.

Happy New Year