Not a good start to the year

So January didn't go so well as my dad decided to go through thinks including bank statements and seen that I used there business account to buy 'ching chong' rubbish as he puts it.

Over the past few months it came to one big total I had no idea :( I had become so addicted to that website. Its just so easy to search and bid and then you get billed for what you've bought and paying through paypal takes a minute to just press a button and bought. Its hard to explain but it started when I saw Spirited Away for the first time thats what got me started into Ghibli as I liked what I watched and wanted to watch more. There hasn't been a lot in my life hobby wise, well theres been my activism. Whales and Dolphins I've loved since being in Primary School but thats about it. Ghibli was a start into me loving Japan and what a wonderful country it seems to me and one day want to visit.

After watching the movies I saw the merchandise you can buy related to the movies and that was it, it went from there. It started out to be harmless enough by the DVD a book but then its got wider. Like little collectables, the museum tickets I have to collect and film cels. I discovered a Japanese buying service and once I could see that I could bid on anything it was that easy. Most of my things are from that website. Some I love and treasure some others were just hiding away under my bed.

I had no clue how much this hobby has cost and nearly cost me my family and everything as my dad was so angry at me. Boredom was partly to blame as I go on regularly just search for something and place a bid. I don't know why there business card was assigned to my account maybe mum wanted me to pay for something and I never deleted it. I would try my card to pay but as usual 'card declined' so I thought I better not get into trouble and it won't be that much I'll use the other.I honestly thought it was about a couple of 100 the most not what it was even I was shocked at that.

I guess being lonely and not going out much Ghibli was the only thing I had. It made me happy and all I needed. Now to pay my dad back I have to sell them. They won't reach what I paid for as most probably went to fees, fees for using the site, buying the item and postage.

I thought of getting a loan but with my bad credit history there was only few I could use but wasn't that simple. I need someone to back me up who was a homeowner and there wasn't anyone I could ask and the fees were a hundred more. So probably take me an extra year to pay it all back.

What a spot of bother I'm in. I started to go through my collection to see what I could sell and to see it all out is quite upsetting knowing I have to sell it quite heartbreaking. The few that I like I've hidden, I just can't part with them. Some are what I have scattered around my room like my two robots and my Cells.

It seems a long way of to pay of this debt :( I still prefer a loan to pay him back asap instead of waiting for money to come through on ebay which could do a long time.

Made about £300 so far still a long long way off I don't know how to get the rest of the money.

With all this going on we got into a big argument and I left. I tweeted that I was looking at flats at the time I wanted to move out it was just an idea a upsetting idea. Maybe for the future though I'd love to have my own place. I've found a house in Thornton I have my eye on which would be good for my 1st house.

Dad went to Football and someone who follows me and I follow them on Twitter asked him about the flat thing. He wasn't best pleased that I wanted to leave. Thinking no way could I love on my own he thought that he would put me in the garage to have a taste of it. I was in my room and he came upstairs and went you wouldn't be able to afford lighting and turned the lights of nor the heating so turned the radiator off and said go in the garage basically and have a feel in there a experience of living on ones own and I'd have to buy my own food what ever I could afford once I pay for rent and the bills. This was too much for me to take and I thought he was going a tad too far I grabbed what I could and walked out. It was raining not the perfect night to walk out on. He was happy to see me go but mum wasn't. I dragged myself out of the house and didn't really have anywhere to go its not like I have millions of friends I could rely on who would take me in well not really I don't think so. I do feel out of touch with people. If I didn't text them I wouldn't know if there alive or well. Quite rare anyone texts me out of the blue and asks how I am or invites me to do anything.

Eventually mum caught up with me and told me to go to Nans I was there for a few days. Its always good of Nan to take me in its not the 1st time. I stayed for a few days and mum told me dad had calmed down so I went round to make a list of things to sell I was here for a few hours and heard mum and dad arguing it wasn't a good argument to listen to, so not wanting to, to listen to more I just left.

I rang the doorbell to Nans a few times and no answer so I had to get a key and went to bed.

The other next day I got up around 12 and saw Nans door was closed so I went to see if she was up she wasn't. Thinking she was having a lie in I made a brew and some toast. Mum rang me to say come round and I could list some stuff to sell.

I was at the table and heard Nan coming down the stairs she was a bit un steady on her feet and was spilling her drink. She sat down and didn't seem herself she told me she didn't feel right and her speech was of and the side of her face was a bit lopsided. I said I'd be right back and went upstairs and rang mum I said Nan didn't seem right for her to come round asap. I went back down and waited for Mum.

It turned out Nan went to bed early as she didn't feel well and didn't feel right in herself. Mum thought maybe she had a stroke and best for her to go to Hospital. I said the idea was probably best. She went back home to gather some things and dad came round to see her. Decided to call an Ambulance as to see what the paramedics would suggest. Managed to help her get dressed as she couldn't really help herself get dressed and waited for the ambulance. Once they came just left them to talk to Nan. I asked if I could go with dad to the Hospital and so he did but the whole way it was silence I wanted to talk but just couldn't think of the right words so thought it was best not to speak at all.

We waited with Nan in the hospital for a room to be seen it was a few hours. Waiting amongst others who wanted to be seen there were a few other old people and a couple of rooms with other people in them. There seemed to be nurses around just talking and typing on the computer. Finally got her into a room and Christian came to visit as Jamie came to see Christian and saw the ambulance rang Christian saying theres an ambulance outside ya Nans house. We left before anyone came to check Nan I came home to list items and Christian went back to the house. It turned out she had a minor stroke a little stroke leading to a big one. A blood clot in the brain as she was taken of her tablets a while ago to thin her blood and never put back on them. When I went to see her her speech was still off and she seemed weak and tired.

All we need. Nan in hospital again. She was in hospital for 6 weeks last time. Been to see her lately now she is on the Stroke ward as a bed came available. The stroke had took affect on her left side as if she doesn't move her hand it'll claw up and she won't be able to use it normally and when she walkes her left leg she said feels wobbly and needs the help of a frame.

Mum has gone every night to visit and now were waiting for her to come home but has to be a lot of changes. Our holiday in March has been cancelled and moved to November were pretty bummed and I was looking forward to swimming with belugas on my Birthday but mum thought it was the best thing to do.

Changes are going to be made to her home like a stairlift and a shower with a seat. She needs some more physio then may be able to come home.

Its a sign of her to slow down as she does too much and she's 80 this year. She has finally decided to stop going to the hospice as she has volunteered for years and done her bit.

Now its own turn to look after her.

Goodbye Nanna Watson

My Nanna Watson died the other day and when I heard the news I was stunned. Had learnt for a while she not been well and had dementia.

I think its a shame that her and my dad never made peace and resolved things :(

Its her Funeral on Friday and she be going in style so it be a nice way of saying Bye.

She was a nice nanna she made the best cheese and onion pie ever! even better than my other nans so shh ;=) She be with Granddad now in heaven.

In a way I'm kinda glad I take after my dad and Nanna holding the Watson gene. She always had a nice smile my nan as this pic shows.

Remember, Remember

So tonight is Bonfire Night a British tradition of Bonfires and fireworks.

It all began with a man called Guy Fawkes and plotting to blow up houses of Parliament in the 1600s. He was found and sent to death and since then November the 5th has been known as Guy Fawkes day as his attempt to blow up Parliament with gunpowder.

Just a few nights before was Haloween I just don't see the point of it. Maybe it is fun for kids who dress up knock on strangers doors and ask for candy I never really liked it myself as a kid. When they knock on my door asking for candy I expect something in return like them to mow my lawn or do my grocery shopping but for asking for Candy I found kind of cheeky.
Working in the shop all week people buying sweets and things for 'Trick or Treaters' and I think they shouldn't be really, pensioners buying them with there savings and pension for kids that in this stone age are a nuiscance I think I'm sound like an old person already. It is more of a American tradition they take it more seriously than us. I think I'm just getting to be more miserable every year.
Christmas is the one holiday I like and it is for kids yet I'm still one at heart ;) I used to love it when little. Quite exciting and its gone so quick. One minute your 5 and waking up at 6am and trying to wake the parents up so you can open your presents, next your in your 20s hating Haloween and know there's no Santa and no Tooth Fairy. You do enjoy things more when your a child, you have a big open mind and nobody says otherwise. If you still believe in those at his age people would think you've lost the plot. Its accpetable at that age. Little delicate minds. I have still have a childish mind still I still enjoy watching Peter Pan and love Tinkerbell. I never really knew of these things when younger and found about them at this age and its me. When people ask my age and I tell them they don't quite believe me. I don't believe it. Maybe the wrinkle cream is keeping of my wrinkles or maybe I haven't fully grown and have kept the same life year and year out.

Like most people I went to school with have already moved on more than myself. I kind of knew I wouldn't get very far being me. I never kind of had faith in myself. I wasn't bright I wasn't pretty I had my ups and downs. I'm still at home with my brother and parents and maybe I should be married and have 8 kids a house and a carrer. Kids are not for me, people always say 'you'll change your mind and have them' but I know I won't. If I was told I could have them I wouldn't be upset. There are kind of people who have kids and I'm the opposite. I can see my brother with them but not me and the giving birth part does put me off.

It gets tiring when my sister tells me 'I need a guy' why do I? This was after I was mentioning my Ghibli stuff and my Bonsais. There things I like, everybody has a hobby and I wonder if there siblings tell them they need a guy. I not fussed to be honest. Maybe if the opportunity comes a long but at the mo I'm content and I do have the nack of making a fool of myself and they run a mile :( I'm a guy deterrent I guess.

There was someone at work who asked me out. I accpeted him on facebook, I posted a link to a Ghibli cel that I liked so he replied to it and sent a seperate message on my wall and inboxed me the same thing translating it. God knows why he translated it. I knew what it was hence the note 'Fab!' and been studying them since Spirited Away came out.
There was two reasons why I didn't want to. 1. He was too old (nearly 40) I like them around my age. 2. Annoyed me that the only guy I could attract was someone like him. At the time there was peer pressure. I couldn't really say no with the work colleagues around it would have been un-fair and humiliating. So I just replied with maybe. Then sent him a message saying thanks for the offer but I'll leave it for now as there maybe someone else I like. Been a bit akward at work with avoiding him. He's been talking to another guy I blew off as I'm not that interested telling him that he shown my pics to his mum and dad (I mean really a 40 year old showing pics of me to his parents whom we've only spoken to what once or twice) seems creepy to me and told him of the message I sent him, is there anything he doesn't tell him? This other guy trying to set me up with someone else, can this other guy not ask me? instead of him acting like cupid?

I have been talking to other guys outside work. There nice one I've known for a while and the other I met a few weeks ago when I was out with my friend Laura.

I asked one of them if you finish work to come join us as were in Bluey watching my Brother in Laws band which he did. When people asked who was with me which my sister replied 'Lozzas boyfriend' whats wrong with just having a guy as a friend? This bugged me again of one of her remarks. Its like no one could ever be good enough for me. It gets tiring hearing the same thing.

Why can't people see I'm okay as I am. Not up to them. Yes I would love my own place and there still so much I'd like to do like travel. In high school they would ask us what we would like to do when we left school, I still don't know. As I was out of work for a while I'm a bit behind. Maybe it'll come to me and slow work myself up. I still feel I should be like my high school mates cause thats what is expected of me. They probs look at me see I'm still at home and working in a shop like a teenager and say 'I might have known' If I could go back and do it all again different I would. There are parts I would change. I only I was like this now when I was when I was in High School me being like this now would be completely different. I should have known at the time. I was kind of lame and I guess I kind of still am. Thats how I see myself. Who will knows what will be of me in the next 10 years...

RIP Steve Jobs

The man behind Apple Macintosh passed away the other day October 5th, he had been ill for a while with cancer.

He'd always been an icon with me and my dad. With using and only using Apple Macs he became the hero of the Mac world and to us.

He changed the way in people communicated. Over the years the computers got better from 1984 to the little box computer to the newly modernised faster Mac pro. Its a brand you fall in love with, with the cute little Apple logo and the moto 'Think Different' instantly you don't even think about other makes of computers and gadgets but Apple. I followed my dad into using Macs I had used PCs but couldn't get the hang of them but with Macs they are just so simple and easy to use and typing this on my Macbook to which it brings me joy. My dad is more the Steve Jobs fan than me. Every time eagily waiting for the Keynote speech and wishing he was part of the crowd cheering and applauding as Steve announced the next Apple product and surely enought it was amazing and would be on the Christmas list.

Receiving a brand new Apple product was always exciting. Such lovely packaging, packaged with care and attention. You couldn't wait any longer you simply wanted to tear the box open and look at your brand new product. They always included the cute little Apple stickers too :) With the computers was always fun with a start up presentation. They thought of everything. You don't get that excitment with Windows or PCs.

When Steve would be talking in his keynote speech he spoke as he knew people would be amazed by the product they'd be releasing as he always have a little smile on his face and would pause for applause.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex5znhPotmg

I bet he had lots of satisfaction in what he did. He will be missed and hope Apple continues his amazing work.

Farewell

On Saturday we had a lovely day up at the Lakes on our new-ish boat that my parents purchased. On that day it was the Windermere Air Show. Dad wanted to go and he asked a couple he knows who work at the Brewery he does work for to come and have a day out with us. Got up early well it was early for me like 8.30 on a Saturday! and got ready to drive down. Before we leave anywhere dad has to change his shoes, clean the car, wash the alloys, etc. I thought we were going to be late but actually were there before them. The weather was fair sunny but windy. The new marina is better quieter than the last and a bit more secluded. My dads friend came and met us and we just sat drank and chatted. The Airshow would start at about 2. It was a bit windy. We managed to get out on the lake and park a spot for the Airshow. It was very busy with other boats out on the lake and people in Bowness. There were many types of boats some really big ones. It actually seems to be quite snooty. Who has the most money kind of thing. It was nice to see a good turn out for the lakes. It was quite fun and releaxing sitting with a glass of wine and chatting. The planes finally appeared they were okay there were all kinds. 2 planes with people ontop of them, they must have been mad and I bet it was freezing. That got a tad boring. My dad got numbers to stick on the side of the boat. I was rating the planes as they came past that plane got a 1. Everyone was waiting for the best plane called the 'Vulcon' They saved the best to last. We were floating about in the Lake and decided to turn back the moment we were turning into our spot in the Marina heard a great noise and it would have to be the Vulcon.

After that we decided to leave and get something to eat. Martin knew a place so we drove and walked up to this place.

The food was okay. I wished i had the chocolate sundae that sounded ace.

Mum and Dad had a debate of whether to sleep on the boat or not. Mum wanted to to see if you could do it as with it being windy it was quite swayie. Dad didn't really want to nor did I. We didn't have any provisions. I slept on a boat before 'Arondale' on the canal and I didn't like that, scary and uncomfortable.

If we were going to stay over I would have gone in a hotel. We finally decided to come home. Dad may have returned back on the Sunday with someone we know who was going to sleep out on it Monday to show him the ropes.

When we came home Nan was in our house and told us the sad news that our cat whom we have for 22 years had to be put down. 'Sarah' she was a large tortoishell cat who was our 1st cat and grew up with us. She been poorly the last few years. Slowly deteriating. She was between homes that of mine and my nans who lives 2 doors away in our old house. When we moved she didn't she stayed.

She was happy like that. Stayed at either and ate all she wanted and came and went as she pleased. The only thing was cause she was old she would wee and poo in the house and sit in awkward places like in the doorway.

I remember when we first went to get her. I must have been like 5. She was outside in a kennel and it looked a tad miserable. We kind of grew up together.

This year hasn't been great lost 3 pets in one year. Baby whom I thought would have gone after Sarah as she was less old and Charlie (my brothers snake) Pets bring you joy and its heart breaking when they leave. They all had a good life.

We buried Sarah this morning in the back yard. Truely sad. Everyone crying my brother holding her in a towel it looked like she was asleep. Thinking about it I'm at tears. Christian acts tough but deep down he is sensitive and gets emotional. Dad didn't really show much emotion last night when we got the news but before burying her he was wearing his glasses but behind them I saw his tears. He wrote a lovely speech and was struggling to read it so mum read it instead. It was lovely that made me cry. It was about her being with us when we were little and growing up together and now her being at peace.

We left the poem with her as she was wrapped up on her bed she liked to have slept on when she was at my nans.

Christian did the buying and put her house next to where she lay.

We had dinner at nans and she has a door that swings and I even checked to see where she was before it swung behind me closed as once before she got caught and trapped her tale. Even before that I thought I saw her in the Kitchen sitting where she normally sat in the doorway next to the water bowl.

Its going to take some getting used to her not being around.

RIP Sarah

Pray for Japan

Waking up on Saturday 12/03/2011 morning to hear the sound of my Dads TV (he has it quite loud as he is a little deaf) Heard them speak of Earthquake to hit Japan, my immediate reaction was 'where abouts' as I have made friends with a girl in Japan since November we have been e-mailing and sent our first postcard to one another, she lives in Hokkaido (Northern Japan) I wanted to make sure the place she lives wasn't the place that was hit it was hit in a place called Sendai near Tokyo. I was still eager to hear from friend 'Carin' to know she was okay, I check my e-mails daily to check if she has e-mailed. I received an e-mail later that day which was a relief. There was news of the tsunami hitting her area and went to the 'evacuation site' her grandparents whom lived near the sea managed to get out in time.

The scenes on Sky News was surreal like watching a disaster movie. First the highest earthquake on record then a tsunami to follow. With no little warning at all those who survived were very lucky. Homes/schools swept away cars and boats floating away and a big cyclone. Aftershocks continued. Tokyo even felt the earthquake as it showed images of buildings rocking as Japan experiences earthquakes the buildings are made to withstand the shaking.

Even today several days later not all over some Power Plants have collapsed and some have been leaking radiation. People told to either evacuate the area or stay in their homes. It announced that the radiation leak is serious enough to kill people.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366126/Japan-earthquake-tsunami-Chilling-echoes-Hiroshimas-destruction.html

There been reports saying that there is panic in Tokyo. people queuing to buy food and the essentials but then there are pictures showing people living normally and getting on with day to day living http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366126/Japan-earthquake-tsunami-Chilling-echoes-Hiroshimas-destruction.html I don't really know whats going on.

What surprised me is that when something this terrible happens there is a global plea to help like give donations and send aid but there hasn't been any at all for Japan they are a wealthy country but still every little helps.

One celebrity has donated $1million to Japan which I think its very thoughtful if only more celebrities showed more initiative. Lady Gaga has brought out wrist bands at $5 which I've purchased and will wear alongside my 'Save Japan Dolphins' Footballers who earn ridiculous amounts of money should donate more or start to even I donated to The British Red Cross I don't earn a lot but it was for a good cause £18 could go a long way. 'A spokesman for the British Red Cross said it had not sent any supplies or teams to the country but would, if asked'Why don't they send them anyway surely they would be grateful.

These survivors looking for their families and belongings through the rubble and now in snow its a sad scene. The IRC flew out but then returned. There hasn't been much response from other countries like America. None have shown much response since it happened.

I hope they can rebuild there lives and move on, Japan is a lovely country, I love Japan so much probably why I'm saddened by the tragedy even though I have yet to explore Japan I'm glad I have a friend in Japan she is very interesting and fun to talk to and teaches me new things about a lovely place.

Japan!

Since being introduced by the anime Studio Ghibli I think thats where my interested into Japan started.
In the films they are very traditional Japanese and I have gotten intrigued by it all. It made me want to find out more even about geisha and other towns in Japan. The more I look at things the more I want to visit.

It looks like an amazing magical place and I want to see it some time soon. The top two I'd like visit is Tokyo and Kyoto. To do the touristy things and to find the Ghibli stores where I'd probably buy everything in sight. I'd probably need to take a lot of spending money! and to visit the Museum. I'd have a field day! It be great if Mr Hayoa was there himself. He looks like a lovely man apparently visits the museum now and again so I might bump into him and thank him for getting me addicted to everything Ghibli and buy myself a Ghibli cell thats one thing I must have they sell around £300-600 I think. I better take a spare suitcase with me to bring back all my soviniers.

Kyoto looks absolutely lovely. Especially in Winter and to be present for the festivals and events they have all year round like the Winter Festival or during the Cherry Blossoms.
One thing I'd like to do is the Geisha experience. Where they dress you up like a Geisha in a traiditonal Kimono and make up and a photo session and walk round the town how fun must that be! http://www.insidejapantours.com/fully-tailored-japan-holidays/i-gs3-7/geisha-dress-up#.

A tea ceremony with proper Geisha would be an experice. Also to use the hot springs an 'onsen' and Tokyo looks great too. I like cities theres so much going on could just sit somewhere and people watch.

It isn't cheap to visit Japan a guided tour would be quite good as I wouldn't know where to begin if I were travelling on my own. They cost for like £2,000 for 11 days but visits from all major cities on the bullet train. I better start saving or hope on winning the lottery.

Or uni courses study and learn in Japan I bet people have fun doing that. 40 week course including accomadation £8,000 cheaper than most uni courses here I think and I have been looking at Japan Studies at the local University which is tempting if I could drive kinda pushes me to learn. I guess you can't live without driving in this stone age. Taking the train all the time would be a pain and costly. I'll have to see what happens. I can't imagine working in Retail forever. Its not quite the career. Doing the same thing for years would be un interesting and boring. Most people my age already have careers/kids and family I'm very behind. I'm like at square 1 like being a teenager and starting at the beginning. Everyone around ya moving on and yet your the still the same from High School you kind of question your life and think I need to do more, take the right path. I bet people whom I went to High School with knew I'd be like this now 10 years later.